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Flickering (Electric)

by Jessica Mindrum

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1.
please leave the light on when you walk out the door you know I can't take the dark much anymore at least leave a note leave it on the bed i'll read it when i get home get it stuck in my head are there rules for this? any tools for this? momma never taught me it but i'm done you're out on the run should i be crying? or cursing your name? i just feel nothing but you're gone all the same tell me, what were you thinking? were we even on your mind? turned your back on thirty years as if it was fine there are no rules for this i made my tools for this you sure as hell never taught me it but i'm done you're out on the run you made your bed now lie in it messed with my head you'll live with it are there rules for this? any tools for this? i wish that you had taught me it but i'm done you're out on the run
2.
i hate hearing your voice in my head i know that you're out there it just feels like you're dead and i know that i shouldn't care but i do why'd you chase after me? you could have stayed on and just let me leave but you didn't, did you? now i miss the things that you didn't do oh baby, you didn't break my heart i'm doing just fine, i'm not falling apart but there are ghosts in my head and no one in my bed and i've gotta find a place for you it's so strange, you didn't scare me usually my hands shake and i cannot breathe but i stayed by your side that whole night so tell me, was it all in my mind? was i reading too much into too few signs? i just loved that gap in your teeth who could blame me? oh baby you didn't break my heart i'm doing just fine i'm not falling apart but there are ghosts in my head and no one in my bed and i've gotta find a place for you so don't tell me the next time you come through i hope i never put someone on a pedestal the way i did with you cause you stopped me, i couldn't move comparing everyone to the idea of you
3.
i sleep in my childhood bedroom i wanted a change, so now it's sky blue is this normal at twenty two? i'm coming home from work to dinner and wine have to call my mother if i won't be on time and the guy i like he's so much older he's so cool with that chip on his shoulder i dance around the facts that aren't so pretty like i am scared of silence, and no one's ever loved me have you had enough? should i keep this up? i suppose that i should learn to fix my heart but it's so fun to fall apart i used to go for these long drives trying to ride out my mind i'd listen to one song on a playlist i got from my friend "jesus christ, i'm alone again" "jesus christ, i'm alone again" and i'd point to the days ahead saying "i promise, that'll be when everything will fall into place and i will be okay" but i keep pushing it off, just not today but i've got to make this right i'm carving my life with a plastic knife i'm crying in the kitchen to my poor mother she just wants a stable kid and i don't want her to worry about me for one more minute have you had enough? cause i can't keep this up yeah i know that i've got to fix my heart cause it's not cute anymore to fall apart
4.

credits

released February 22, 2019

All songs written by Jessica Mindrum
Recorded and mastered by Rick Fritz

Album artwork by Tony Foley

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Jessica Mindrum Chicago, Illinois

"Restart, Begin" out May 21, 2021

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